Ever Felt Psychologically Unemployable?

Personal growth is fascinating don’t you think? Each of us in our comfort zones daily, it seems that the human condition is as ‘creatures of habit’, adapting to change only as and when we are forced to. For some, however, perhaps through experiencing extra-ordinary circumstances, the opportunity to choose change and achieve personal growth is both a drive and incredibly satisfying… if a little uncomfortable or even scarey occasionally.

After spending time moving around in voluntary work over a number of years, working with different agencies , I realised eventually that my passion for active involvement in social change had evolved into a love-hate relationship with politics. It frustrated the hell out of me, but the people involved inspired me and it seemed I could not leave the subject alone! I eventually graduated in politics longer ago than I care to remember in my home town of Liverpool.

It seemed there were three choices for me: social work, lecturing or research. None of these options particularly appealed to me at the time; all too ‘institutional’. I was passionate and wanted to feel like I would make a difference; the only one which held any appeal was social work, but I was aware that my impact might only be limited and I might have been irritated with the necessary constant compromises and constraints.

I studied hypnotherapy and psychotherapy and even set up a business which failed miserably in a difficult market. If I am completely honest, working with peoples’ neuroses was maybe a risk too far. At that time stage hypnotists were being sued for ‘messing up’ members of their audience. But the work was fascinating, if maybe a little risky for one so young!

I did actually begin to train in social work, until a family crisis meant I needed to focus on my immediate family’s needs, leaving no room for studying others’ problems on a 9-5 basis. This was a turning point for me which took me a long time to recover confidence in any chance of my ever having ‘a profession’ in the future.

When change came again, as it inevitably does, my home town seemed to be slowly dying, as traditional manufacturing industries were shut down and people were so hopeless it was depressing to be there. In the nineties, there were very few paid jobs in ‘social change’ – plenty for me to volunteer for, however, so I did. This stood me in good stead for when I moved to the nearest booming metropolis for seven years, taking temporary contracts… but still constantly feeling like there just was not a complete ‘fit’ for me.

I knew that I loved working with communities of people who were getting together to make changes happen in their neighbourhoods and I apparently had an aptitude for facilitating projects. Paid contracts in the field were rare however. The researchers had the monopoly here! (I didn’t get the grade necessary for such work).

Growing tired of the chaos, frictions and endless familiar obstinancies of beaurocrats, after many years in project development work, I spent some time in rural Wales on mini breaks and felt like I was coming home in a way I had never even felt in any city I had ever lived. Whilst in between contracts and lovers, I that relocating was a positive move.

Cardiff, the capital of Wales, is a under-appreciated British treasure. It offers people both the anonymity of the city, with the friendliness of village life. I felt happier than I could ever remember being, but another community leadership post, working for a countryside department was taking me into the foothills of the Welsh Valleys and I found peace in the contrasts of lush green hillsides, pit villages left behind after the closures of the coal mines, nearness to the coast and the friendliness of many Valleys folk. I have been living in the valleys now for over seven years (about the time my nomadic nature gets itchy feet, but more on this elsewhere).

I have worked with a number of different communities, groups and individuals from many backgrounds now, all of whom, in one way or another need support to change their environments. The story, of making a difference, is always the same, however, just the settings and tools differ. Increasing social participation is work that I can honestly say I love and it is seeing the results of the people working tirelessly for others who have driven me. Working together with people who are motivated by a passion to make their world a better place is not just about making a practical difference in their material circumstances, the real joy to be had in community development is also seeing the personal development of those involved as each learn to lean on each other and find mutual inspiration.

The frustrations and sense of compromising principles from project devlopment work comes with the public relations management in the work. Every employer who funded my contracts had some sticky internal politics of their own which needed resolving. I, as facilitator, was the conduit between these larger agencies and the pockets of people these institutions needed to engage, but did not know how to. Whether my employers really believed in the centrality of community participation, or whether there was expedience and some lip service paid, the researchers at the likes of the Joseph Rowntree Trust are still discussing…twenty years on after riots which tore up the rule-book in a number of British cities.

My own ‘crisis of faith’ happened when I felt that the necessary relationships with those communities we were supposed to be serving became so compromised I was offering platitudes to ‘customers’ which I felt I could no longer satisfactorily justify. As I wrestled with my seniors on issues of practice and ethics, that ‘entrepreneurial spirit’ I now believe we all possess was dying… A ‘mutual agreement’ was reached… I left, wondering what the Hell I would do from there onwards…

Thankfully, the Universe sometimes has the first move. This was a big one, shoving my car from the rear into the back of another one! It was ironically the best thing that happened to me in a number of years! I was forced to take time out and rethink what I wanted. I went back to my books, not being able to move around a lot for a few months. I listened to personal development training CD’s, watched videos on YouTube and became hooked one day, by a video called ‘Inside Out’ in which Jay Kubassek talked about how he was “psychologically unemployable”. A switch went in my head at that moment which has since led me down a whole new path in ‘making a difference’.

Now I feel once more that my life is getting back on track and my passion and drive to work for social change has returned… This time it will be with one person at a time via my new work as a newbie entrepreneur.

After years moving around different jobs, I am loving being self-employed, even when I want to hurl my lap top across the room when something foxes me, I feel like I have left a majorly self-destructive habit behind …my addiction to the apparent security of the pay-slip… Not only that, I know that whatever comes next, I am more in control of my professional development and more importantly, personal development is about achieving greater levels of freedom integrity. AND the really great part, is that my earnings will now reflect the true value of my contribution to making a difference with people!

When office politics is about pandering to the basic needs of the four legged animals who are your home office companions, before you write your next newsletter, you know life is good and it’s OK to feel psychologically unemployable!

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